People jokes
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
What time do Chinese people go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty (2:30).