People

People jokes

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

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  • People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

    Mom, why was I adopted?

    Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

    Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

    When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."

    My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!

    How do you catch a polar bear?

    Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

    Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

    And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

    What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing?

    Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.

    Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.