Parent jokes

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because his parents couldn’t help him out!

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?

Because they couldn’t call his parents!