Parent jokes

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?

Two wongs don't make a white.

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because his parents couldn’t help him out!

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

My "parents" are so dumb. Who tf names their son "Lydia"?

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."