Parent jokes

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

Me: Why am I an orphan?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: Ask your mom.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

Who named their daughter Macadamia?

A couple of nuts.

What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

Why don't orphans go on trips at school?

Parent signature: _______________

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why do orphans air?

It’s invisible just like their parents.

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"