Parent jokes
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"
The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."
How did Helen Keller get punished?
Her parents gave her a bomb and told her to eat it.
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
Imagine not having parents. Lol.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
Why did the orphan go outside the school?
Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.