Parent jokes
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. đ
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
A boi found a magic vase and a genie came out and told him he had one wish. The boy said, "I wanna be like Batman." The genie said, "OK, your wish is granted."
The boy came home later that day and his parents were dead.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: The highway.
Teacher: What do you mean?
Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
Why canât you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
What do you call a fish with no parents?
An orfin.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
The orphan had to earn money because he/she didn't have parents to give him/her an allowance.
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Dad: You're adopted.
Son: Where are my real parents?
Dad: >:D They are dead, now come to their grave and sleep there.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I donât understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "whatâs so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kidâs head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parentâs heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"