Paradox jokes

Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.

The more emos there are, the less emos there are.

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Why were the twin towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same!

What came first: the chicken or the egg?

Doesn't matter, in the future, they'll come together.

If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.

We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

when is it normal to freeze before being raped?

when a policeman rapes you.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?

Wanna hear somethin' ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

How do you annoy Pinocchio?

Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.