Own jokes
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
Why do white people own so many pets?
'Cause they can't own people anymore.
Copy and paste in your search bar to see watersharky's worst picture on HIS OWN DOCS.
FAKE but funny
What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?
Perform fellatio on gay men.
At 6, she wanted a happy mama.
At 8, she hated acting like a mom.
At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.
At 11, she wanted to see her mom.
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
Yo mama so fat, she has her own gravitational pull.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
That’s right, I have my own category😎
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!