Outing jokes

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.

What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What does an apple and a gay person have in common?

Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.

Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.

1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.

2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

My mom said, "Take out the trash," but I couldn't find you.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!