Outing jokes

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."

A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.

What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?

A hipster!

Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.

The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,

"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out, it got rug burn.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?