Outing jokes
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
Memes
When you reverse the roles be like:
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.