Outing jokes

"That driving backwards, it creeping me out, you're gonna wreck or something." - Lightning McQueen.

Because that is what could have saved Titanic, and it wrecked.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.

What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.

Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

Attention! Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? It's strange because they haven't said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess). Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD, I just thought further into life with their relationship. DON'T DO THAT.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

Who crashed the plane?

1. Abu Faram? - terrorist

2. The little kid Joseph?

3. The passed out pilot?

Or Jamal?

The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.

He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.