Outing jokes
Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
I just found out I'm colorblind!
The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.
What time is it when it gets dark out?
Bed time.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!
Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."