Outing Jokes

The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man do I love being a sniper.

how do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? a blender. how do you get them out? tortilla chips.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Damn, I love being a sniper

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"

i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.

the teacher told me to put my MP3 away so i brought out my MP5, now that bitch knows what not to tell me

sooo... I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section

how do you pet a psychopaths cat?

you get it out of the microwave

One man's trash is another man's treasure.... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]