Outing jokes

What is a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

People judge me because I'm quiet.

No one plans a massacre out loud.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?

I feel like a kid again.

Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?

He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.