OR jokes

Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.

I play Fortnite, but also I play Minecraft for 14 nights.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

Did the sun just come out, or did you just smile at me?

Dear Grad Parents,

Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.

There will be more information to follow in the coming days.

Thank you.

Why do orphans always have an iPhone X or above?

So they don’t have a home button. 🤙🏼

Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:

Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.

(I would never do that though I love puppies)

Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Emo people are like other emo people, they're emo. Laugh now or I'll cut your eyes out. Tee hee!

A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.

"Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.

"Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"

"I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.

"Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."

"Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."

"Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"

"Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."

The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."

"Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."

The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What!?" says the man.

"Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."

"And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"

"Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."

"My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"

"Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."

"And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.

"No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

Were Japanese suicide bombers taught to fly, or was it just a quick crash course?

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

Top G advice: You’re either a smart fella or a fart smella.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.