Why dose a milking stool have 3 legs? Because, the cow has the utter one.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF!
You're cheap no one even pays attention.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?
Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.
my girlfriends dog died so i got her a new one in replacement and she went off on me and yelled
"What am i supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Pick up lines
One fish two fish three fish Iโm breaking up with you bich Hey there little mister Iโm dating your sister
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side Yall knew this one fr
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that thatโs not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
what the difference between ww2 kamikaze planes and 9/11...one of the missions succeed
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason. Trump and Biden didnโt get the memo.
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike Jonny was offered to ride the bike but he declined it and replied with my butt still hurts.
a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games. Suddenly they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running, the other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?". The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "yep that's definitely Joe," but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that's not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, "how is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?" The 1st friend said, "well you see Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious? the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there's Joe with those 2 assholes."
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if youโre a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: donโt say โmy lifeโ 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And donโt re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato" and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayonnaise all over me.
