One jokes
What did one bear reply to his bad pun?
"Bear with me!"
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division? Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.
What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.
Why can’t orphans have dad jokes? Because they don’t got one.
What's the difference between Axne and a priest??
One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
Two sperms are racing towards the ovaries. One looks at the other and says, "Are we there yet?"
The other says, "No, we’ve got a long way to go. We’ve only passed the tonsils."
I used to think that Jewish people were a myth.
But one day I realized, they Israel.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit!"
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.