One jokes

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.

My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

I love all races, even the bad ones.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.

Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."