Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Wanna hear a clean one?
Old man takes a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty one?
Bubbles is the 14 year old next door.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"
The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"
He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."
Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
