One jokes

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

My class is my house is quite. I suck a dick, now one cares.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?

Woman: No, really?

Man: Well, the one I fucked did...

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

One screams when I peel its skin off.

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.