One Time Jokes

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on EBay, The Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

One time i looked out the window and then i saw my sister and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

One time, a man got mad at me because i was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on man it was only a couple of bruises!

One time in the butt. Two times, in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet

I always tslk to my taco before I eat it. One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to Taco bout it

A couple were trying new things in the bedroom to spice up their marriage. The husband would blindfold the wife, put on a condom and she would guess the flavor. they did this one time a night. The first night, she put the blindfold on and he put the condom on his dick and she tasted it, she immediately knew it was strawberry. The second night, the same thing happened except it was banana. The third night, she put the blindfold on and tasted his dick and said eww it tastes like cheese and onions. The husband replied hang on I haven't put the condom on yet.

How come Christmas 🎄 is one time? Because it is so nice

Wanna know something funny? Well there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage. Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke and then 9 months later I was born. My birthday. (4/1/06) April 1, 2006

One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...

...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose

One time i saw a kid crying so i asked him where his parents were god i love working at an orphanage

One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck,

One time, I was making a caramel apple

When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel

one time i was my uncle he said to me to pass him the marble in the floor all i heard is my but claping with his sasuge

One time you walked up to a mirror but it’s shattered because of your reflection

one time little johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree and he moved the stoll and the tree broke. little johnny screamed. " HAHA Your skinny enough to break the tree"

this one time i said to a person that tehy are dry they i was wet (ba dum tiss) my bully said i have to shut up i said shut down (ba dum tiss)

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy and I was home alone with my dawgy, and, and I was eating peanut butter, and I thought since its oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part, and my dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter up off my private part, and my private part, it got big and hard, and then peanut butter, but white came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining. And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted “What are you doing?” And then I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, “Well let me have a taste.” And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

One time Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise. No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style. His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.