One time jokes

You remind me of a pencil.

Why?

Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...

...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

One time, I was making a caramel apple.

When I mistook 1 gallon of caramel for 1 camel!

One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.

It got too out of hand and I got spanked.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.

My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.