Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
