Office jokes
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”