Office jokes

Why did the orphan get sent to the principal's office?

Because he punched dumbos like you people!

What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?

The pig smells better.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”

What’s long and black?

The line at the unemployment office.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.

Probably top.

Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.