Occupation jokes
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver? One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
We gotta work ahead, people!
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
I have a joke about construction. I'm still working on it.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
Why do cannibals not like to eat clowns?
Cause they taste funny!
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.