Occupation jokes
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
I knew a guy who used to sell wrenches. He was all torque.
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What do you call a school bus driver that keeps going to sleep? A monster.
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Why are fire trucks big?
To hang out with the firefighters!
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."