Occupation jokes

One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

Your dad must be a mailman.

A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.

The DNA told the tailor he couldn't find his genes.

What kind of bus is yellow? A school bus driver.

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

What did the tree say to the Lumberjack? Leaf me alone!

Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?

Answer: An Investigator

Is Will Smith a blacksmith?

What knight is never wrong?

Sir Tain.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!