Occupation jokes
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.
I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"
You wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still workin' on it!
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.