Occupation jokes
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
What's white, yellow and goes 40 mph?
A train driver's egg sandwich.
So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.
I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"