Nut jokes

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Knock knock.

Me, a person: Who's there?

A: Deez nuts!

What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.

What is the difference between a car and a tree?

A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.

A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"

The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

Deez nutz!

What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

Nut

The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

What's the artist imagine something?

Imagine Dragons!

Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

Are you going to SHOWCON?

What’s SHOWCON?

Show con these nuts.