Nut

Nut Jokes

Mouth

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

Man

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Tree

What is the difference between a car and a tree?

A tree cannot drive, but a car can drive.

Trump

There is a new kind of jock strap; it only holds one nut. It is called a Trump supporter.

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  • Pirate

    A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"

    The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

    Text

    Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.

    Squirrel

    A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

    Date

    Would you rather date me or a lady?

    I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

    Orphan

    What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.

    Knock

    Knock, knock.

    Who’s there?

    Dragon.

    Dragon deez nuts.

    Dragon deez nuts who?

    DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!

    Peanut

    Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!