Nut

Nut Jokes

What is the difference between a car and a tree 🌲? A tree 🌳 can not drive but a car 🚗 can drive

This man walks into a bar and says... "how do i get service here." The assistant bar attendent tells him him to take a seat as the bar tender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes the man says this is ridiculous that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes goes buy and the man then says ok i get it no service of beer but free nuts to which the assistant says hell no the game starts in 10 minutes. Everyone laughs and claps.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut

a student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick and the guy was about to nut. the school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

me: hey siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: yes I was informed she died from sugondese

me: wat is dat?

Siri: sugondese nuts

Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth

little william punched little johnny in the face. then little johnny says if u do that again im gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice.

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store acorns for winter so now I am dead" haha it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.