Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!
Like if u have nuts
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Deez nuts!
what did one squirrel say to the other squirrel? stop staring at my nuts .
me.do you like cobble. my friend. no me. gobble deez nuts
Do you know Biden. Biden on these nuts
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
I have nut cancer...
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
