Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Whatβs black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
Whatβs that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. π
What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with"
Me: "Nun"
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?
A nun with a javelin through her neck.
