Nun jokes

Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.

What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One kneels for salvation.

The other kneels with salivation.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One to trust and the other to thrust.

What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One is glowing and the other is blowing.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One reads, the other breeds.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."