Nun jokes
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.