Nun jokes

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.

Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.

A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!

Two nuns in a bathtub.

One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

The other nun says, "It sure does."

There are "nun" good jokes.

What activity do nuns and whores have in common?

Answer: Genuflection.

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?

A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

What do you call the nun that hates?

For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.

"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."

@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!