Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Nun Jokes
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. π
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?
The nun has a soul full of hope...
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
What do you call a nasty ass boy?
Sam Caithness.
Penis.
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns werenβt allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.
While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: γDo You Wanna Play A Game On?γ "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: γWhat did you just say to your friend?γ The guy answers: γA game on, why?γ
"Nun" kills the two guys.
π€
Two nuns in a bath.
