Numbers jokes
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9 and 11.
I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.
Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.
Then why was 10 scared? Because he was between 9/11.
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
2 + 2 is 4, minus one, that's 3. Quick maths.
Age is just a number.
Police are just people.
Jail is just a room.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks!
What’s 1+1?? The number of parents orphans don’t have!
3+3=****
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...