Numbers jokes
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.
The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......
What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex, sex, sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
Calculate my dick, virgins!
"We got a number one victory royale, yeah Fortnite we boutta get down! Get down! Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town! My friend's gone down, I revived him now we're heading southbound! Now we're in the pleasant park street, look at the map, go to the marked sheet!"
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.
Number.
Best thing ever right here.
So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
"9/11" or just "7-Eleven" to a Mexican person.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because he next to 9 and 11.