Now jokes
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
Does it cycle now? 🚲
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
America get pranked lol.
Biden's penis is probably as big as the Twin Towers right now.
Oh wait...
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.
Hello everybody, now who here have watched Skurry?
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!