What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Now Jokes
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
America get pranked lol.
Biden's penis is probably as big as the Twin Towers right now.
Oh wait...
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.
Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a bucket of water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Why do orphans can't play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
