Now jokes

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

America get pranked lol.

Biden's penis is probably as big as the Twin Towers right now.

Oh wait...

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)