Now jokes

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.

America get pranked lol.

Biden's penis is probably as big as the Twin Towers right now.

Oh wait...

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

"Spider-Man: No Way Home," know why he’s an orphan now?

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.