Now jokes

"White on white crime, well ham rights crime anyway in Eastern Europe right now!"

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

Now that's a hell of a ghost story!

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......

Human: :D

Sun: I want to BuRn you.........

Human: .......

Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....

Human: I should be going now.

Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!

Human: *Screams his last sound*

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.

Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?

There used to be two but now there's one...

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?

There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.

Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:

Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).

Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.

Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

Where are the best shooting ranges in America?

Used to be in schools, but now in subways.