Now jokes

Miscarriage

    • One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

    Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

    "Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

    "Maybe it was a tricycle."

    "Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

    The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

    Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

    That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

    Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

    Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

    Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

  • 1

    • America

    • This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

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    • Condom

    • Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

    Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

  • 23

    • Misfortune

    • My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

    (Again, credits to my really funny friend)

    Twin Towers

    • Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

    Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

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    • Reaper

    • I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

    I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

    What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

    Tattoo

    • I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

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    • Routine

    • Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

    1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

  • 9

    • Name

    • 1. Full name: John.

    2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

    3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

    4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

    5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

    6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

    7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

    8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

    9. Working motivation: none.

    I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

  • 2

    • Promotion

    • A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

    "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

    "Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

    "Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

    "Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

    "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

    "If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

    "O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

    The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

    "And then?" asked the Rabbi.

    The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

    "Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

    "Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

    "Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

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