Not jokes
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.
I'm not a robot, but orphans are.
Windows could not connect to the Internet, would you like to search online for a solution to this problem?
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.