Not jokes
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
How to not exist: Kys.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.
My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.