Not jokes
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
Braille is not that hard to learn, you just got to have a feel for it.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Memes
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is not exploding.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Are you getting tired of life? Yes? Then call 180 go fuck yourself.
It's not our problem.com That's 180 go fuck yourself it's not our problem.com
Why'd the girl fall off the swing?
'Cause she had no arms.
Knock, knock!! Who's there?
Not the girl.
Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?
Because he did not have one.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Why is it okay to bully an orphan?
It’s not like they could tell their parents.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
How to not exist: Kys.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.