Not jokes

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!

Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?

because it was rated RRRRGGGG.

I am guessing you don't understand :(

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."

"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down, and he loved it. Not really, though.

I made a website for orphans; it does not have home pages, though.

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?

Search up biblically accurate angels.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.