Not jokes

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.

Orphan jokes protest. Anonymous.

Orphan jokes are just funny so stop trying to ruin our fun!

Comments:

Gwen: Stop! It is not funny. Orphans are just out their cold, weak, and need someone! And the jokes are not funny!

Shut up: Shut up!

Liv: Gwen stop!!

Gwen: SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!!!!

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?

Family size.

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.