Not jokes
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.
Hey guys, so we have a friend group and we need followers and people! So far it's me and Royal. If you want to join just comment why and you're in unless people have reasons to not want you!
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
What’s cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?
Not too sure. I just fly the drone.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.