Not jokes
8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.
What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why can't orphans play GTA? Because they're not wanted.
Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."