Not jokes
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
Why'd the girl fall off the swing?
'Cause she had no arms.
Knock, knock!! Who's there?
Not the girl.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Um, please do not swear, there is no need. Could you maybe just find clean jokes?
BRO ASTRO NOVALITE IS A SCARDEY CAT, SO MUCH HE IS SCARED OF DANDY, THAT HE'S AFRAID TO ASK HIM TO BE HIS FRIEND OR HIS SECRET LOVER, LIKEEEE BRUHHHHH IT'S NOT THAT TOUGH BRO, LIKE GET OVER IT
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Sally.
SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Why can orphans not play baseball? They can't hit a home run.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.
Wife: No, you’re not.
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.
Orphan joke protest! If you think orphan jokes are bad and wrong, then comment good comments; if not, then just comment! Let's reach 67,000 good comments!
Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.
Me: Why?
Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.