Not jokes

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

It's not Minecraft.

It's Ourcraft!

Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.

What say the child to the man? Shalom.

Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"

Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"

Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?

B: Because today we had a parent meetup.

Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"

Student: "I'm not going."

Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"

Dark jokes are like food, not everybody gets it.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

Dark humor is like food:

Not everyone gets it.

Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:

Nothing, donkeys don't talk.

If brains were dynamite, BLESSEDBRIAN wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.