Not jokes
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
Why did the terrorist not go undercover?
Because he blew it!
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
Father heard his children scream,
so he threw them in the stream.
Saying, as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard!"
Light Yagami is being a bit rasict
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
Hi, this is not a joke. Please like, or I will be verrrrrrry sad! -_-
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!