Not jokes
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!