Not jokes

Yo man, stand up.

*short person stands*

No, seriously man, stand up!

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

Why do dwarfs do drugs?

To get high.

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Yo mama's so heavy and fat, gravity could not hold her down.

I made Google Earth for orphan kids.

Sadly, it does not show where home is.

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

What milk do orphan babies drink?

Not their mom's, though.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."

"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"

If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

Kenya text: Guys, leave Gwen alone! Pls! It is not her fault...btw STOP AND GO TO ATHORE JOKES

Why do Black people not like country music?

Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.

So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.

He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.

Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"

The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."

The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.

So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.