Not jokes

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

I'm not racist, but the Ku Klux Klan look all the same to me.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?

Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.

Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.

Why are orphans so good at GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.

Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.

Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?

Because they do not have a home!

Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?

A: They are not wanted.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?

Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.