Not Jokes

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

So a blind guy is sitting on a park bench his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guys leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat. A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man. That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit. The blind man says Oh it’s not what you think I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the Ass.

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubbas two best friends the three were inseparable agreed.. The first friend said hard to tell can you turn him over the coroner look perplexed but did so nope that's not Bubba. The second friend said he's burnt up pretty bad can you roll him over again the coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway, nope that's not him. Pretty confused the coroner asked how can you tell its not him by rolling him over? well you see Bubba had two assholes, Impossible the coroner replied. The friends said I don't know but everytime we went to town everyone would say here comes Bubba with them to assholes.

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me, because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

I saw this one quote of the people who smile the most are covering the most pain I think this is true just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends but with my parents and family I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do. I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe 22/24 but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate saying I would tell her that my depression got worse she went along with it but I haven't told my mum and I know make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something, SOMEONE will laugh. Say: This word isnt gonna be funny until i tell you, your probably not going to laugh. *your friend* whats the word? *you* finger *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not every one laughs, so dont feel bad if they dont. Also dont be surprized if you get put in jail for murder, because your going to kill someone with this.

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican not Mexicant."

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?".

Why was the clown sad

He broke his funny bone. Ps: funny bone is not actually a bone

doctor: you need to eat healthy

me: no

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died

me: oh my goodness

doctor: in a plane crash

me: that sounds unrelated

doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me

Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.

Trump says to Obama “you know it’s the White House not the black house right?” And Obama says “yeah but it isn’t the orange house either.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."