Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
Not Jokes
It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.
Yo mama so fat even God could not lift her spirits.
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
What is an orange?
World's only not rhyming thing. Hehhhehehehehhe.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
"Did everyone see that because I will not be doing it again."
- Captain Jack Sparrow
Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.
Why are orphans not that good at baseball?
They can never hit a homerun.
Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
"UwU my balls says mommy."
"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.
Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.
Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.
That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
