Not jokes
I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.
Not a joke.
Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
Memes
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
When is a door not a door?
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.
Is there a racist jokes page here? I’m not racist, I just want to know.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.