Not jokes

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Clearly not their parents."

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be considered?

Not a family photo.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Guy: Hi, how was your day today?

Woman: Good!

Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*

Guy: How many months pregnant are you?

Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?

They’re always spotted!

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

Jesus was the one who created the T pose, not Fortnite.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?

He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.

Why does the orphan not buy milk?

That's what their parents are doing.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

Imagine not having a dad.