Not jokes
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... Yeah.
(Not Original Joke)
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.
The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.